Desperate Plea, Whispered Repetition
by SourGummyBear
Summary: The plane went down without a sound, in the middle of nowhere. It left the boys to fend for themselves, fighting nature to overcome the challenge of surviving and living to tell the tale. T for now, because of language.  Eventual Jagan.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Desperate Plea, Whispered Repetition

Rating: M

Pairings: Eventual Jagan, James Centric

Summary: The plane went down without a sound, in the middle of nowhere. It left the boys to fend for themselves, fighting nature to overcome the challenge of surviving and living to tell the tale.

A/N: I was on a school trip, where we had to climb mountains and do all of these team bonding and building things, so that is where this story was born from. It will be multi-chapters, so please, enjoy.

* * *

"Please, I need you all to stay in your seats!"

The stewardess is running back and forth, trying to keep the four boys calm. The flight is supposed to go from New York directly to L.A. with no stops in between, but something is going wrong with the engine.

"I promise you, that everything will be okay."

Amanda , the boys' manager is tapping furiously at her blackberry, while the boys are in their seats, freaking out, and their nails digging into their arm rests.

"Okay boys," Amanda says, still looking at her blackberry. "I've just informed your families, the record company _and_ Scott Fellows of the situation that we're in. There is no need to worry."

"No need to worry?" Kendall's eyes are watering, and he looks like he going to shit his pants. "We're in a metal death trap, plummeting to the earth! Why would there be anything to worry about?"

A few murmurs of agreement are vocalized before the pilots voice comes over the loud speakers. "Sabrina, we need you up here _now!"_

The stewardess runs to the cockpit, and shuts the door tightly behind her. "Are we going to die?" Carlos asks.

Out of the window, a thick stack of grey-black smoke is blurring the vision of the ground that is quickly getting closer and closer to the plane.

"I'm going to see what exactly is going on," Amanda says, getting up out of her seat. As she's walking, the plane started to spiral downwards, based on the way James' stomach is lurching forward. There's a loud splash and a violent jostle throughout the plane that sent everyone flying forward. Amanda hits the door of the cockpit and falls back fiercely, not moving where she lands on the floor.

"We're in the water!" James says, noticing the water slowly rising in the front end of the plane, where Amanda lays, immobile. James looks over at the other three, who are remaining incredibly quiet throughout all of this. "We need to get out of this,' James unbuckles his seat belt, and starts to move about the cabin. Meanwhile, the other boys are still not moving, fear stricken on their faces. James shakes Kendall's chair, which wakes him from his immobility.

"What?" Kendall yells.

"We're in the water. The plane is sinking, and we need to get out right now!"James rummages through the cabin, looking for things he could throw into his day-pack. "Get Carlos and Logan, and fill your bag with things that we might need."

Kendal does as he's told, and gets the other two, and relays what James has just told him, while James looks for an exit.

The water is rising, which is starting to scare James. He's not sure how much time they'll have to get out of the plane.

"Are you guys ready?" Kendall asks.

Carlos and Logan mumble a soft yes, before James says, "We're going to need to swim. I'm not sure how long we'll be swimming, or how far we'll have to swim. Just be warned." James continues to look for an exit, before noticing an emergency exit at the back of the cabin.

James is about to kick open the door when Logan asks, "What about Amanda?"

"Leave her," James says, tightening the straps on his back pack.

"We can't just leave her!" Logan protests. "She has a family, a husband, a _child_, a 15 month old child!"

James gives up on trying to tighten the straps, and lets them drop furiously. "We can't take anything more than we already have! I'm sorry, but we can't think about anything else, but getting ourselves safe."

"James." Logan says, his eyes pleading. "Please,"

James looks between Logan and Amanda. She has a large gash on her forehead, blood dripping, trickling down her porcelain skin. He thinks it over for a second, before giving in and saying "Fine." He runs over to her and picks her up quickly. "Are you all ready?" when they all nod, James adds, "We need to get out quickly. Water is going to come in as soon as that door opens, so be prepared."

James wasn't kidding when he said water would be coming in through the open doorway. As soon as the door is kicked open, water starts to gush in, starting to fill the cabin quickly. "Go!" James says, as the water in the cabin is now up to his knees. He can hear his heart beat in his ears as he watches his friends pile out of the plane. He is the last one in the water and out of the plane.

Once his head bobs out of the water, James looks around to make sure that all the other members of Big Time Rush have surfaced. He's the last to surface, so once he does, the others let out a sigh of relief. Using all of his upper body strength, James lifts Amanda's head out of the water, hoping that she'll still be able to breath.

"Hey," Carlos says, "Look!"

Carlos is pointing to a strip of land, not that far off in the distance.

"How far would you say that is?" James asks, sounding out of breath.

"I would say a mile, give or take a couple hundred feet." Logan estimates.

James nods and says, "Let's get a move on then."

* * *

About halfway to the little strip of land, Kendall asks James if he wanted to hand off Amanda to him.

"Nah, I'm good." James' breathing is rough and jagged, and unsteady from carrying Amanda all the way, while trying to swim. His fingers were turning blue from the coldness of the water, his legs aching with pins and needles. "We're not that far anyway. I'm fine."

Its not that James doesn't trust Kendall with holding Amanda. It's just that he'd feel better if he were the one to carry her. He would hate to see anyone else get hurt because he was too lazy to hold her. James knows that he's the strongest of the group, and it really only made sense for him to be the one to carry her. Besides, James was always the diplomatic one of the group. He's always been the one who'd rather see himself get hurt than anyone else in the group. He's selfless, really. He would take a bullet for any one of those boys.

Finally the boys reach the part of the water where they are able to stand, and walk the rest of the way. It's hard though; the water has soaked them to the bone, and their wet, dripping clothes added redundant weight to them. The push forward though; they aren't quitters, and never have been, so why should they start now?

Once they reach the land, they are all out of breath, heaving in and out, their hearts trying to catch up with them. James places Amanda on the driest piece of ground he can find, and listens for her pulse, or her breathing. "Well, she has a pulse," he says, leaning close enough to hear. She may be breathing, but nothing looks too promising. The gash on her forehead is still gushing blood, just like it had been when they were in the airplane. For the first time, James notices blood filtering down his arm, blood that didn't belong to Amanda. Rolling u his sleeve, he finds the source of the bleeding; a long, light scratch that runs from his elbow to his wrist. He also notices that his head is pounding, like someone beating a drum. He can feel his heartbeat in his temples, only it feels like someone is hitting him repeatedly with a hammer.

"How beat up are you guys?" James asks.

They all answer, but their words fuse together in James' head, creating a large pile of mush. James looks at them to see the damage. There's nothing too, too bad, just some busted lips, scratched hands, and bruises here and there. Carlos isn't bad at all, just a swollen lip and scratched up hands. Logan has a small wound above his left eye, and a couple scratches on his face, and Kendall is -

"Shit!" Kendall's voice breaks the silence that had incased the boys. He's limping, barely putting any weigh on his right leg.

"What happened?" James asks, ripping off his back pack.

Kendall plops down on the ground and says "My knee is _fucked_ up." His jeans, at the knee, are torn and bloody. He rolls up his pant leg to discover how bad his knee truly is. His knee has a fairly large gash that criss-crosses, and swept across his entire knee cap, from one side to the other.

The memory is blurry, but James seems to remember throwing a first aid kit in his pack when he was raiding the cabin, looking for survival necessities. James begins to tear apart his bag looking for that damn first aid kit. It amazes him how much stuff he was able to fit into his pack; food from the rolling food cart, 6 water bottles, a blanket and two first aid kits that he was _finally _able to reach.

"Here," James says, taking out the gauze, disinfectant wipes and Neosporin from the box. "Let me help you."

Kendall bites his lip as James begins to clean out the wound, When it's all cleaned out, James starts to wrap Kendall's knee it the wrap. He struggles, not exactly sure how he was supposed to wrap his knee. Frustrated, after trying three or four times to wrap the damn thing, he throws the gauze down and says, "Fuck this. Does anybody know how this shit is supposed to work?"

Carlos steps up behind him and says, "I know how to wrap sprained ankles and knees- I'm pretty sure it's the same principal."

James slides away, and mutters a "Go ahead," and lets Carlos take over.

"Bet you won't make fun of me for being a cheerleader in high school anymore, now will you?" He asks Kendall as he wraps his knee.

Kendall winces in pain and then looks at Carlos. "Don't push your luck, _Carlitos."_ And then Carlos laughs, which makes the other boys smile, which is one of the most positive things that has happened in the last few hours.

Once the laughter dies out, and James blocks out the banter going on between Kendall and Carlos, he moves a little ways away from them. He's closer to Amanda's still not moving body. He lays down, and shuts his eyes tight, protecting his eyes from the suns harsh rays. His head is still pounding- he must've hit his head on something.

As James is wondering what he could've possibly hit his head that could inflict this much pain, Logan goes, "Jay, are you okay?"

"Do I look okay to you?" he snaps.

"Well, no, you actually kind of look like shit." Logan says, sounding hurt.

"So would anyone who just survived a plane crash, and then, on top of it, had to carry a 130 pound women to shore." Logan doesn't know how to respond to that so he just keeps quiet. James can tell that Logan is hurt by how rude James is being so he says, "Sorry, Logan. My head hurts like a bitch, and it put me in a bad mood."

Logan's voice changes from hurt to concerned instantly. "Did you hit your head? Do you have a concussion?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know?" James says a little too loud. "Shit!" he says, his head pounding yet again, only harder this time.

"Do you want some Tylenol or something?" Logan asks, standing up, and starting to make his way to the first aid box. "I'm sure they have some in-"

"I'm fine, Logan," James says. "Just give me some space for a little bit?"

Logan sits perfectly still for a moment, contemplating his next move. After a minute or two, he goes, "Okay," and leave James to think about how the hell they were going to get out of this incredibly, genuinely impossible situation with as little injuries as possible. Like James had said before, nothing looks too promising.

* * *

A/N: I am soo excited about this story. I'm not sure why, but i am! Anyways, i hope you liked it! Love it. Hate it. Review it!


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N**__: So here's chapter two! I hope you like it. _

_Because I didn't do so before, I do not own big time rush or any of the members, although I wouldn't mind meeting them :)_

_Also, because people have asked, YES this is an RPF (really person fic) so instead of James Diamond, he's actually James Maslow. _

_And THANK YOU to everyone who favorite this story already, and added it to their alerts, and reviewed. It really means a lot to me. _

_Finally, my penname is no longer BlackpaintedNails616171. I've changed it to SourGummyBear ( have you ever tried a sour gummy bear? they are so good!) , but just be aware of that; I don't want to confuse anybody._

_Sorry to bore you out of your minds. Read on!

* * *

_

James wakes up to the smell of smoke. But it's not the bad kind of smoke, like the smoke he had smelled coming from the plane. It's the good smoke, the smoke that was warm and comforting, the smoke that came from a campfire. James turns over and opens his eyes, only to be greeted by the cold, sad face of Amanda. She's still breathing, thankfully, but it's very light, like their was no weight to it, it sounds hollow.

James frowns and sits up, his head still throbbing a little bit. He looks towards the light emanating from the fire, noticing three familiar bodies sitting around it.

James goes, "You guys made a fire?" as he makes his way over to them.

"Yep," Kendall says, sitting with his injured leg elevated on a rock.

"How? Did you guys find matches or something?"

"Well, we did, but they were soaking wet." Carlos says. "I found a survival kit when we were still on the plane, trying to get out. I thought it could have some useful things in it, so I grabbed it and stuffed it in my bag."

"huh," James says. "So, how'd you get the fire?"

"Amanda,"

"She woke up?"

"No," Logan says, motioning James to sit down. "She still had her purse with her, so we looked through it. We found a lighter, and we got fire."

James nods, and looks directly into the fire. The fire is so warm, it's so nice, and it makes James realize that he's actually freezing cold. He knows that he has a blanket that he took from the plane in his back pack, but he would rater stay here, next the warm fire, and stay out of the cold itself.

Carlos is looking through Amanda's wallet, also found in her purse, emptying it completely. The last thing to fall out was a flimsy piece of paper with a scribble like handwriting on it. "Hey, guys," Carlos says, picking up the paper. "Look at this." The boys gather around Carlos as he begins to read the letter out loud. "'Dear Mandy, Ryan is 14 months old today. You've been gone for three days and we already miss you so much. How are we supposed to survive the next two months without you here? We'll make do, I suppose. Work is work, and you've got to do what you have to do. Ryan misses his mommy, though. Two months away is _way_ too long for a mother to be away from her child. He won't eat his peas anymore- he'll only eat them if they are from you. So, please, hurry home. We'll be waiting. Be safe and know how much we both love you. Love always, your hubby, Brian.'"

The boys are quiet for a while, as they all look over at Amanda. It's not that the boys ever _disliked_ Amanda, it was just that they had never thought of her as someone outside of their manager. Ever since she became their manager, little over six months ago, she had been-intense. But now, as they look at her, lying there, they couldn't help but image her with a small child on her hip, being a mother. It seems almost right for her to be in that position; being a mother. All of the boys simultaneously think what an amazing mother she would actually be.

"I really hope she wakes up." Kendall blurts, his eyes intent on her.

Logan nods, looking through more of the papers. "Guys," he says, holding a picture up. "I think this is her family-Ryan and Brian." The photo captures a moment where the young child, Ryan, is smiling at his father, Brian, while Brian is holding his child above his head, like he was superman.

"Do you think the know?" Carlos asks, folding the letter and putting it back in the wallet. He looks at James, then Kendall and then Logan.

"About what?" James asks.

"The crash, that we're out here, stranded in the middle of freaking nowhere?" Carlos' eyes don't blink as they gaze into the fire. "Do they _have _ any way of knowing?"

"I'm sure somebody knows," James shrugs. "I mean, if the pilot knew that the plane was going down, that we were going to have a crash landing, wouldn't he have contacted air traffic control, or something?"

"But what if he never got the chance before we crashed and he d-" Carlos isn't able to even finish that statement. His mind flashes back to earlier this morning, when they first boarded the plane, and the Pilot had come out to great them. He had told them all sorts of things, like how long he'd been a pilot, and how he'd never had a problem while during a flight before. Carlos remembers hearing him say that they were going to have a safe trip, and then one hour later him saying that the plane was going down. Carlos shivers at the memory.

"Died?"Kendall coughs up.

"Yeah," Carlos' dry voice states. "That."

"Don't think about that stuff," Logan says, placing a hand on Carlos' back. "As far as we know, there is already a search team out looking for us. When we don't show up at the hotel, or at meetings, they'll know something is up. If we stay hopeful, we'll be fine. I promise."

* * *

Sleeping seems treacherous, but not sleeping seems more so. The boys admit, after a long night of sitting around a fire, wishing that they were home, in their own comfortable beds, that once their words start to slur together, that they should call it a night.

Together, they put out the fire, and use the blankets that they stole from the cabin of the plane as what they should be, blankets to warm their cold bodies. Their clothes are still damp from the swim that they had to take to get the part of the earth that they are on, and with the sun down, they are even colder than they were before. Sleeping in the conditions that they were in seemed very unstable, and sure enough, throughout the night, even the slightest noises shook each of the boys. They dozed off, for no more than an hour at a time.

The environment was so new to them, so unbelievably mysterious, the boys didn't know what to think. All of a sudden, they felt so small in a huge world. There they are, sleeping in a part of the world that they didn't even know existed, so how could they not feel so tiny? Sure, back in civilization they are huge, stars of the hit show "Big Time Rush", but out here, in the wilderness, the empty space seemed to bite at them, like it's trying to tell them, "Hey, I'm bigger than you, so show some respect,".

Once the mornings hits, the sun shining through the trees that stood tall and mighty in the forest behind the boys, the boys regret not just sleeping through the night.

Everything hurts them, every single muscle; James can't move his arms without aching so much he feels like he might cry. Kendall's knee kills when he tries to step on it, Carlos' legs burn when he tries to walk, and Logan can't stand up straight without falling back down.

The boys sit together in a circle as James hands out granola bars that we smashed in his bag. Their stomachs tell them that they'll need more food, but they decide it's best ration the food when it comes time to eat; they don't know how long they'll be out here.

"How's your knee?" Carlos asks, once they all finish their granola bars.

Kendall doesn't want to risk moving it, but slowly, he lifts it up onto that rock he had put it on last night. Very carefully, he rolls up his pant leg, to expose his battered knee. The blood has soaked through the gauze, but all the way, only in little blotchy patches.

"That doesn't look like it's fun," Logan says, looking at the abrasion up close.

"It's not very pleasurable to walk on, I'll tell you that." Kendall says, gritting his teeth together, as Logan inspects it. "How much gauze do we still have in the boxes?"

Carlos taps his chin and goes, "Well, I used about half of it on our knee yesterday, so I would say we have _about _ a roll and a half." Carlos sits down next to James and puts his head in his hands. " I normally would change it every day, but I don't know when we'll be leaving-"

"Hopefully soon," James interrupts. "Where's the goddamn paparazzi when you need 'em?"

James can only imagine being back in L.A. trying to sneak out of his apartment, or leave set with the paparazzi on his tale. He's always found it annoying, actually, but now, when they're stranded in a forsaken piece of land, he wishes that they would jump right out of the bushes, because that would mean that someone knows where they are- they would be able to leave this place.

The day grows boring. The boys don't talk much, except for the occasional gasp of pain emanated from Kendall. They all sit and wait- for what, they aren't sure, a helicopter, a huge hummer truck that would have enough power to plow through the huge forest behind them. Any sign of human life would be perfectly fine with them. They just want _something. _

By sunset, after the boys shared another two granola bars, splitting them in half, frustration is starting to dawn on them. What if Carlos had been right, and the pilot hadn't reached air traffic control, or whoever the hell he was supposed to reach? What if no one knew that they were stranded, with a limited amount of food and fresh water? How would they ever be found? It's not like the boys had any idea how to survive like this. They didn't teach "How to survive a plane crash in the middle of nowhere," at any of the high schools they went too.

"Guys?" James is the first one to speak in a long time. The break in the silence actually causes the boys to jump a little-they had gotten so used to empty quietness. "I think that we should take a look at everything that we have," James suggests. It really, would make sense, just in case they were out here longer that they expected, they could reserve eating all of their food at once.

The boys agree completely to what James says, and start to explode their packs- they take everything out and group things together. What little food they did have went there, and blankets went close to the rock, and everything in between went right over there.

In total they had:

_7 granola bars_

_11 bottles of water_

_2 medium size bags of trail mix _

_An apple_

_An orange_

_2 banana's_

_3 blankets_

_One pillow_

_Survival kit (in which there was a bottle of iodine tablets, and this really horrible freeze-dried food, like, astronaut food, that the boys wouldn't even touch, let alone eat.)_

The boys are scared at how little they actually had- they'd thought that, when the were on the plane, that they were taking too much. But, then again, who would be worrying about taking too much food when their plane is falling out of the sky.

"So," Logan says, handing off the apple that the boys had decided to share, since they didn't want it rotting in anybody's bags. "I think that we should limit what we eat everyday- we can't just feast on everything when we're starving."

"The fruit goes first," Kendall says, groaning when he had to move his leg to reach the other fruits. "Do you guys know how honestly painful this is?" He asks.

They all shrug, not understanding. As the boys share the apple, each taking a bite, and passing it along, Carlos skips out on taking a bite. "You guys know that I don't do the whole sharing water bottles or-" he looks at the fruit in James' hand like it was diseased, "Apples."

James' sighs. "Dude, you need to eat something." He holds out the apple again and Carlos resists. "We've have all been together for the last year, basically twenty-four hours, seven days a week. If we had some contagious disease, you would have gotten by now."

"You know I'm a germaphobe!"

"We're in the middle of nowhere! Do you really think that you're going to be able to avoid germs?" James raises an eyebrow at Carlos, who pouts and gives up, not even bothering to take another shot at winning this argument. "Please," James says, calming his voice. "Just take some," he holds out the apple again.

Carlos looks at James skeptically. Slowly, he took the apple out of his hands. "If I die, I'm blaming you." He says, before taking a bite, and wiping the excess juice on his shirt.

All of the boys are quiet for a couple minutes, just thinking, and passing the apple around. They're all thinking of ways to survive this, how they would get away from this place. What if they're never found, or god forbid, one of them dies, or gets sick? They're a family, as cliché and cheesy as it sounds. But they are- they couldn't imagine life without each other right now. For instance, whenever they are on a break, the two weeks that they aren't together, they miss each other like crazy. They can't wait to get back into the swing of things, to get back on set, or back in the studio to record songs and learn new dances moves that Logan would _never _ get right until he was in front of an audience, feeding off of their energy. And what about their fans? If they were never found, and-_died _- their fans would be devastated. Their families- dear lord their families. They hadn't seen them in a month- they'd been so busy, going on their mini-tour, stopping by schools and doing a show for them. The only contact that they had had was through iPhone's or BlackBerry's. What if their families never got to see them again?

"Hey!" Carlos says. "What's that silver thing?" He asks, pointing out to the water in front of them.

The sun is going down, but it's at the right point in the sky where it hits perfectly, causing a sun glare to bounce off. The boys all see it, obviously by the blinding light. They all stand to see a better view of the mysterious object.

"What do you think it is?" Carlos asks. He's excited, maybe someone had found then- maybe they were going to be rescued, maybe-

"It's not moving." James cuts him off. There goes all the hope of being rescue right then and there.

Kendall slowly stands up from where he is sitting, following the boys. His knee still was painful, but he could pull it together long enough to walk a couple feet. "I think it's the tail of the plane," He puts a hand out, trying to block the sun. "What else could it be?"

They all watch, the sun moving slowly. When it finally moves enough so that the guys can get a better look at it, they all concede that is was in fact the end of the plane. Weird how they didn't notice before.

As the sun goes down, disappearing in the horizon, the boys start another fire going, being careful not to burns themselves when they stuck out their limbs to keep warm. It gets unnaturally cold during the night, which would not be expected considering the hot day that the boys had to suffer through. It was definitely getting colder, as it should be in late November. They just aren't expecting it to be as cold as it was.

"Can we _please_ pull out the blankets?" Logan has his arms wrapped around his knees as he hugs them to his chest, trying to keep his body heat to himself. "I'm freezing my ass off," The blankets didn't make much of a difference, especially for Logan. "Guys, there's three blankets and four of us."

They all stop as they pull out the blankets- someone wouldn't get a blanket.

"Maybe we could switch off every night?" Carlos suggests.

"Or maybe, our sweatshirts as a jacket for someone?" Kendall adds.

"_Or,_" James says, "Two of us could man up and share a blanket."

The other three look puzzled.

"I'm cool with that," Logan says suddenly, out of the blue.

James nods. "Well I'm cool with that two," he motions Logan over to him. "So come over here." The boys prepare to sleep, preparing to actually get more than an hour of sleep. They've come to terms with the fact that there probably won't be any bears or animal that will come and attack them, because it's winter, and bear are sort of hibernating in winter.

As Logan and James lay down, side by side and James throws the blanket over him. Logan goes, "What are you doing?" When James scoots over, and practically spoons Logan.

"Dude," James says, yawning into Logan's left shoulder. "Body heat. We'll be warmer, I promise."

"Eh-" Logan starts.

"Don't even start with the 'yeah, I slept with James,' crap." James jokes. "I'm pretty sure that when you have survived a plane crash with three of your best friends, huddling is okay,"

"It's just weird." Logan has never had a problem with being close to other males. He actually has found that he is more comfortable with people of his own sex, than with girls. It's weird and he can't really describe it- he doesn't quite know how to put it. He never found gender to be a barrier of who you could date and who you couldn't. He just thought that love was love and that was it. But with James it was different. It was somehow awkward but not. Maybe it was due to the fact that he knew James had a thing for both guys and girls, 'Half-gay' as Kendall once put it. Or it could've been the idea that James was one of his best friends, and best friends don't sleep with each other like this- and not in that _other _ way either.

"Baby," James says. "Just sleep,"

Logan did as was told. He didn't really feel like continuing the conversation with James anymore, once it felt like it was impossible for them to touch each other more, or get even closer. But James isn't really thinking about that. Instead his mind is on what happened in the plane. He's replaying those few short minutes that seemed like forever when it happening, in which the plane went down and they escaped. His mind drifted from seeing Amanda lying in her own blood, to the tiring swim from the plane. And then it went to the tail of the plane, sticking out of the water, reflecting the light when the sun set.

That was what he dreamed about that picture too. He dreamed that when the sun had set, that the plane had gone down with it. And when morning came, and Logan was using James' chest as a pillow, the plane tail was gone, along with James' hopes of ever being rescued.

* * *

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_Review?_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: bahhh, I'm so sorry it took so long to update. Life happened, and I was sick and blah, I don't want to bore you. So to make up for the lateness, this chapter is long(ish)._

_ Enjoy!_

_

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_

Amanda stops breathing about an hour after all the boys have their small, tiny breakfast. They had made it a regular thing to go and check on her at thirty minute intervals, always switching off who checked up on her. It had been Carlos' turn when he found her not breathing and without a pulse.

"Guys!" Carlos yells, his voice saturated with sadness and sorrow. He's frightened, actually. "Come over here, quickly!"

They all run- they think that maybe Carlos somehow hurt himself, or he's spotted something that could help them. When they reach where Carlos was kneeling though, they understand that he's trying to tell them something.

"She's-" Carlos starts, but is unable to finish. "She's-" he tries again. "Gone."

The boys all look at each other before having a group hug, in which Carlos was the center as they all hugged him, letting his tears fall of their shoulders.

They decide not to bury her- they don't have the heart to do so. They don't want to have to lay her in a horribly dug, man made grave, watching her body limp in the ground. Instead, they take one of their three blankets, and cover her body up. Kendall and Carlos would share a blanket too, just like Logan and James had done. They each have a different emotion, all of them with a tear in their eye, but Carlos is worse than the other. He's always been sensitive, but not to the extent where one single insult would push him over the edge of being depressed- nothing like that. It's not that he's necessarily stereotypically _girly _ because he's sensitive like that, but it is just a part of who he is, naturally. So, given the fact that he does have this secret side to him, Carlos offers an idea that the four boys share their favorite memories about Amanda, say a few words, as they all sat around her body.

Logan goes first, speaking with a voice that sounded so worn and tired. "I guess my favorite memory is when Amanda first started working for us. On her very first day, she took as all out to lunch, and made us do all of those stupid 'breaking the ice' games, like 'Never Have I Ever', and things like that. I remember that we had such a fun time with her that day." Logan's voice starts to quiver a fraction. "She'll be missed." James puts a hand on the back of Logan's next, squeezing it gently in a comforting way, watching the tear roll down Logan's cheek.

Kendall is up next. "Mine's not so much a memory, but something she did all of the time, that sort of define her, as a person. She only did things that annoyed us because she cared about us. No matter how mean or bitchy she got, she only did it because she believed in us and wanted us to do well. Whenever she was mean, she was _nice _about it." Kendal cleared his throat, obviously affected by the statement he had just made. Kendall's more reserved with his feelings when it comes to serious matters, such as death. He's always had trouble when it comes to showing emotions, but he's never let that stop him; he's still the same fun loving Kendall that he always has been.

James is next in the circle, and he's oddly quiet. He's usually never lost for words. "Um," He stutters for a moment. "I don't really know what to say. There were a lot of things that I liked about Amanda, but I have no clue how to put those into words." He subconsciously runs a hand through his hair. "She never judged anybody. Even if they did something totally wrong, her view of them would never change. She was so _not _judgmental that we all had no problems being the real us around her. It wasn't like we were with a stranger the entire time, and we had to be polite and open doors for them or any of that. Maybe we didn't know her for that long of a time- but in the time that we did know her, she really became part of the family. I don't you guys feel that way or not, but, to me, she felt like she belonged with, belonged in the job that she had. She was part of the BTR family." James' eyes are pink and puffy around the edges and his voice sounds tight- it's unnerving for the others to see, James breaking down like this. The effects of death takes a huge toll on people, and the boys are only now starting to see it.

After a long silence, it's finally Carlos' turn. He's holding Amanda's wallet in his hands, and takes out the letter from he family. "This," Carlos waves the letter around. "This was my favorite thing about her. Her family- this letter. I-I, I mean it just proved to me to me that she had a life outside of her job, y'know? I've met so many people who are all about their job or Hollywood and fame and fortune, that they forget about their families. Amanda isn't like that- wasn't like that. Being a part of something bigger, and _better _than just yourself, is something that can't be replaced, by anything. Amanda reminded me of that."

"Let's make a pact," Kendall announces, after they've all shed a few tears, and what has happened has sunken in. "When we get back to civilization, we'll take this letter, and these memories of Amanda and bring them to her husband and child. They gave _us _so much without even realizing it- it's time to give them something back."

* * *

The rest of the day is quiet. The boys don't speak unless it's time to eat something. Reality is beginning to set on them. They hadn't thought about the effects that this would have on the other people who were in the crash. From all the stories one can ever hear about plane crashes, or being lost in the wild, it's always been about helping yourself, like it's a one man battle. But the stories are exactly that- a story. James had done some thinking- they had had a lot of time to think, but he had thought about the story his grandfather had told him.

James' grandfather, Pappy, as he had called him, had been in a war, which war, James wasn't sure, but he was in this war, and he had all of these really amazing war stories that James used to love when he was little. James smiles at the memory of sitting on his Grandfathers lap, hearing the tales.

"Now, Jimmy," He had said. "Here's a story for you. I was a young lad, about twenty four years young, when I was stranded on an island with two other men. I had never met these fellows before in my life." James had listened with ears wide open, eager the hear more. "Listen, Jimmy. When I was stranded, the first couple of days, I only cared about myself- I didn't even talk to the other two. They were just acquaintances as the time. Little did I know that they would become two of my best friends…" Pappy had paused, looking out in the distance. "We never talked until two days before we were rescued. We were out there for 11 days, alone with no one but ourselves, and we never talked. It wasn't until one of them hurt their ankle, and I had to help them that I started to talk to them."

"Pappy?" James had asked. "Why are you telling me this?"

"James," he said. "I'm telling you this so that you do the right thing before disaster strikes. Don't wait until something terrible happens to make decisions. It's how I raised your father, and that's how I want you to be raised."

James is brought out of his memory when his shoulder is shook by Carlos. "Where's the first aid box?" he asks, noticing the distant look in James' eyes. " I need to wrap Kendall's knee again."

James motions over to his bag. "It's over there, in my backpack."

_Don't wait until something terrible happens to make decisions,_ James thinks to himself. But, disaster has already struck- Amanda died, along with the pilot of the plane, and the stewardess, who never got a chance to leave the plane. James is concentrating hard on what they should do. Now that he remembers what his Pappy had told him, he wants to do something that would make him happy. He needs to think of something that could increase their chances of survival. He wants to be able to go the Florida when they're rescued to visit Pappy and tell him all about this whole mess. That is, if their ever rescued.

"How's Kendall's leg?" James looks over his shoulder to see Logan standing over Carlos wrapping Kendall's leg.

"It's looking better," Carlos says, focused on what he's doing. "Does it still hurt?"

Kendall nods. "It's bearable, just not exactly comfortable yet."

"Can you walk?" James asks.

"Probably,"

James nods. "I think we should start moving around."

"What do you mean?" Carlos asks.

" I mean, that instead of just sitting here, wasting away, we should start moving around. For all we know we could be in someone's backyard, or near a town." James shrugs, "If we move around, walk this plain of land, then it could increase the possibility of being rescued. It's better to be up and moving then just sitting here."

Logan glances at Kendal who shrugs, and says, "I think my knee can hold up."

"So, is it agreed that we'll move around?" James asked. "We don't have to, I mean, it's just what I think would be best. I don't want to have to wait for something terrible to happen before we do something. Better safe then sorry."

"I think it's a great idea." Carlos said. "We can leave tomorrow?"

James nods. "Sounds like a plan."

* * *

Morning sneaks up on the boys like a shadow. One minute they close their eyes, excited for the quiet time of sleep, and then the next minute the sun is warming their skin, kissing it gently. James is the first one awake, waiting for the others to open their eyes to the day ahead of them. Carlos wakes just shortly after James, followed by Kendall. Logan is the last one to wake, half and hour after Kendall. They're still quiet, though. The memories of yesterday, with Amanda, are still fresh in their mind. Carlos is the only one who goes over to Amanda, and sits next to her body, and just sits there for a while. One would think that he'd be grossed out, sitting next to a dead body, especially since he's a germ freak. But he's not, and James actually thinks it's kind of beautiful-seeing Carlos' barriers down, just sitting there, no worries about germs anymore. It's changing Carlos, being there; James almost thinks it's making Carlos a better, stronger person. If their lives weren't being threatened and they weren't worrying about starving to death, James would think that this whole mess is actually a good thing for them.

As they pack up their bags, Kendall sits and watches. The boys, especially Carlos, agree that he shouldn't have to be on his feet more than he already has to be. As much as he thinks this is a good idea, James' heart is still racing, and he's feeling oddly nervous. He's usually calm about things- he's the one who calms everyone down when needed. But now he's starting to get worried. He feels guilty for making Kendall walk, but he needs to make sure that he pleases his Pappy.

It's definitely getting colder. Their cheeks are red and rosy, and their fingers feel numb. They shove them in their pockets to keep them warm, and zip their jackets all the way up. They don't have that much to wear- they were heading back to L.A. where it was always sunny and warm, so they dressed lightly. A light jacket or sweatshirt over a tee-shirt and a pair of jeans. Simple and easy, right? But now as the days grow longer, and get colder, they switch off who get to wrap the blankets around themselves.

"Holy hell, it's cold." Kendall says, as he stands up, preparing to start walking.

"It'll get better once we start moving." Logan says. "We won't even need the blankets today, I bet."

"You guys ready?" James asks. When they all nod, he says, "Let's boogie," Which brings a smile to the boys faces. Even if he may not feel totally confident about this like he should, James still had the power to brighten up any mood, even in the worse conditions. It's one of the reasons they trust James unconditionally.

They move for about two hours, and then take a break. Kendall ends up being in some serious pain when they finally stop. Kendall drops down onto a rock, cursing under his breath, as Carlos kneels down next to him, asking if he was okay. "Just dandy," Kendall says. "I'm sorry that I'm going to be the one who slows us down, but I just- _can't_ walk anymore."

"We get it, Kendall," Logan says. He looks at James who is running a hand through his hair, kicking the dark under his feet. "Is this a good place to stop for a night?"

When James looks up and Logan, Logan feels something drop in his chest. They've been out there for five days now, and they aren't seeing any sign of life in this god forsaken spot of land, and that's exactly what Logan sees when he looks at James. There a dark purple bruise like circles under his eyes, which makes Logan think that James hasn't slept at all, which James really hasn't slept that much, he would just never tell anybody that. There's a slight layer of stubble that Logan can now feel on his cheeks, as well as all the others. They're all in desperate need of a real shower; they had used the lake that they crashed in to 'shower' or really just rinse off, but their hair still was dirty and disgusting.

"This is great," James says, dropping his bag on the ground, and taking out his water bottle. There wasn't much left, not that there was a lot to begin with- they'd have to cut down even more on what they ate.

Logan watches James carefully. Something's off with him, and Logan wants to get to the bottom of it. "James, can I talk to you for a minute?" Logan says, right up against him, whispering so that Carlos and Kendall can't hear.

James nods, and tells them, "We're going to go look for ground that's flatter than this. We'll be back soon."

Carlos mutters something about not getting lost, which they technically already were, but whatever. Once the two of the are out of ear shot, Logan goes, "What's wrong?"

James looks at him and shrugs. "Aside from being completely lost? Nothing, really."

Logan stops, and crosses his hands over his chest, leaning against a tree. "You know James, you really don't fool me. I know when something's is bothering you." James sits at a foot of a tree across from Logan and Logan raises an eyebrow. James is silent. "Jay, you look like you slept for an hour at most, your being completely silent, and your just not being…._James. _I know we're in a tough situation, we all know. But, there's something more with you isn't there?"

James looks at Logan's trusting eyes and says, "I'm scared." It's the first time James has ever admitted it this entire time, while being lost. He's genuinely frightened of every day that's coming next, he's not sure what challenges it will hold, or what he'll have to do to survive it. And to make it worse, he feels ashamed of the fact that he is scared. He feels like his Pappy would say something along the lines of "suck it up, and be a man," and James has always wanted to do as his Pappy told him- He looked up to him like no one else.

Logan leans his head against the tree behind him. "We're all scared, Jay." He says.

"My grandfather wouldn't be."

"You're grandfather?" James nods. "You're grandfather isn't here right now- he doesn't understand the circumstances we're in. Anyone, including your grandfather would be scared."

James shakes his head. "Whether or not he would feel the same way is irrelevant. What I meant was that I feel like my grandfather would tell me to grow up and be a man in this situation. Being scared wouldn't account for being a man."

Logan sits down next to James at the tree, and looks at him, with soft brown eyes. "James," he says in a serious tone. "You're the bravest one out of all of us. I know how much you look up to your grandfather, and how much he means to you. Trust me. He'd be proud of you right now. You're holding all of us together, which is insane- I mean have you looked at what a bunch of whack jobs we all are?"

James smiles and looks up at Logan. "Believe me, will you?" Logan asks. James nods, in agreement. He's still scared, but now he knows that he can be scared but still be brave. Bravery isn't measured by how fearless you are- it's measure also in leadership, and honesty within a small group.

When the boys fall asleep that night, back to chest, James wraps his arms around Logan, who gives a quiet squeak. "What are you doing?" He asks, as he thanks the darkness for concealing the bright red blush creeping up his face.

"I'm cold," James says and then, without thinking, kisses the back of Logan's neck. "Besides, you're stealing most of the blanket, so now, you're my blanket."

Logan smiles and leans back into James' touch. He is really cold, and James does feel sort of nice, in contrast the damp cold ground underneath his back. And 'sleeping' with you friend to stay warm isn't really that weird. It's actually quite comfortable. Logan could _really_ get used to it.

When the sun breaks the next morning, James feels more refreshed than he had in days. He actually got a decent night of rest. And it (more than likely) had a large amount to do with the still sleeping brunette, resting on his chest.

* * *

_A/N: this chapter didn't end up as planned, but I like it anyway! Tell me what you think! JAGAN begins, hooray! Love it. Hate it. Review it?_

_And I mean, that review button is having a terrible day. You should do it a favor and click on it so it's not so lonely. Oh, and while there, how bout leaving me a review?_

_~SourGummyBear_


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